| what may be lost wasnt worth what it took |
[Oct. 4th, 2004|10:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  Misconfusimafied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bob Dylan- Mr. Tambourine man | ] |
Hey, kinda confused i dunno it seems as though i completely fucked myself over with steph which for breaking up with her i deserve but to realize what i did it could have been worth it i just hope i dont lose her for good i dunno we'll see what happens im an ass an its what i get i spose
Peace
Cox |
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| happiness the virtue unfindable to me... |
[Sep. 30th, 2004|11:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  discontent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bob Dylan- Shelter From The Storm | ] |
Hey i havent written in here in forever havent really been home, first off i broke up with stephanie i loved her an then the feeling just started to disappear an i feel horrible but i couldnt lead her on a make it seem as though i did its not good for ethier one of us, then theres the other thing the person ive wanted for 2 years i cant have why cause shes scared of runing our friendship i can tell what the girls gonna say before she says it an she can do it for me she is the closest thing to a sister i have an i love her id do anything for her an at this point anything to be with her i really dont think that a reletionship would screw our friendship up but i cant make her feel the same way shes gotta feel it on her own ive found myself in the situation where i feel happier an more comfortable around someone than i ever have before an i cant have it as a bigger part of my life the one thing thats missing the love i have to show i cant just tell it the feelings are to much to put in to words as ive found myself lost in a sea of them with no way to get out well there is one way but its not happening unless she changes her mind about the whole thing i guess i should just stop trying but every time i talk to her it hurts knowing i cant be with her an that in itself will destroy the friendship because each time i find it harder to talk to her knowing these things an feeling the things i feel, happiness seems impossible to find without her, on another subject my valve cover gasket blew on my car because the thermostat on the engine broke an wasnt getting coolent to the engine i get the part tommorow an will probably fix it sunday so i can do the one thing that allows me to escape from it all, driveing, LOL homecoming is saturday an im going with a good friend alysha should be fun, im not looking forward to one part about an thats wearing a god damn tux i cant stand dressing up that nicely but ill deal with it ive never been to a dance like that so i want to experiance it atleast once b4 i graduate in may
thats all for now maybe if im home more ill keep on updateing this but probably not
Peace
Cox |
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| WEEE THE DAY CAME |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|12:47 am] |
Ya i got my liscense today finally my freedom is here get the title for my car hopefully tommorow took moms car today out to LOL went to Wesley Chapel an saw Ashley, Then went to Stephs an saw her bowled an then put alexs new air filter on hes all complaining cause he lost torque but its still more than he had stock an now hes got mid-range accel cause of the horsepower the filter added an he gets off the line faster than almost anybody still i dont know what hes complaining about honestly but if he doesnt want the air filter ill use it on my car shit its not only nice but nice an perty then we went to wake up billy then went back to the bowling alley an waited on bill to bring us our ciggeretes i gotta make this pack last till fucking friday i doubt thats gonna happen but w/e ill make due just gonna be hard better than none i suppose no more withdrawl headaches that ive had out the ass the past 3 days that i havent had any so ya w/e it works out then i came home talked on the phone with stephanie she got tired an now im sitting here waiting till around 4 to get my money from alex made 33 bucks today an only spent 25 so it works out
Im out
Peace
Cox |
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| Insomnia Causes Journal Entrys On Nights Of Extreme Cases Of Boredom |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|05:05 am] |
Whats Up, its been a while sense i wrote in here had my goodbye it was good didnt do anything but smoke now im a bassiclly str8 edge hippy cept for the ciggeretes im so heavly addicted to meh my lungs are fucked up already no point in stopping plus i plan to die way b4 they kill me ill prolly get shot or somethin who knows my school starts monday or tommorow i could get my liscense today if the damn dmv was open still dont have the title for my car to get the tag so i gotta wait on that then im gonna save some money up an straight pipe the exhaust an redo the intake an add a performance muffler an air filter who knows when ill have enough for the intake but it should add about 30 horses to my car an make it sound nice im never gonna find a way to stop dumping money into this car but w/e i wanna have it for a long time might as well make some money off it at shows an have fun with a bit of extra horses an torque see if i can give alexs beamer that hes not got stock anymore a run prolly not mines prolly gonna be the car we pimp around in an race his beamer but it all works out i spose me an rikki bassicly the mechanics on the whole thing but the creator of ideas for both of the cars is more me an i tell rikki what it is an he does it btw rikki is another one of my best friends in LOL i gotta get the money for him to do it b4 he goes to the army in october. im out for now
Peace
Leave Em
Cox
p.s. anyone wanna do somethin anytime soon? |
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| Blah Insomnia Once More But Who Gives A Damn |
[Jul. 5th, 2004|04:58 am] |
Hey guys whats up havent felt like acctually siting down an updateing this mofo for a few but w/e been hangin out alot with steph an alex alex by the way is a huge ass hole whom stole the pick off stephs favorite necklace an im extremely pissed about that.. dad got into town tonight it was actually ight till he sat in my car an the fact that every time i see him an havent in a while he for some reason reminds me of shauns death but ill just have to try an get past that shit theres nothing i can do now w/e i think im quitin everything except ciggerettes my parents are testing me today/tommorow i believe im gonna do one big final goodbye benge smoke pop some shit an get majorly stoned an then never do it again i need to stop an now i just wanna have my goodbye extravaganza to drugs an be done with them they didnt fuck up my life but they didnt help it ethier they kinda helped when i was hella deppressed but i still hold my belief that everyone should smoke pot once in there life an thats it just to see what its like i dunno if steph doesnt want me to do the whole goodbye thing i wont w/e we'll see what she says i get my liscense in 2 weeks amanda williams polk steph brady who the hell else knows im gonna take for a cruise my cellie is 309-2534 so after august 15th hit it up if you wanna do somethin an if you need a ride just need 5 bucks for gas an ill take you anywhere within 30 miles, gotta get a job soon finish payin off the car got 1100 dollars to go then im pumpin my money into it to make it sound nice thinkin im gonna do a dvd player in it with 2 rear seat moniters an dual amps 2 12 inch subs an all new alpine speakers make it sound real nice then get the windows tinted not for looks but cause its black with black leather interior that ish is gonna be hella hot when i get in it everytime hopefully some tints will make it cooler an possibly help the looks im gonna make it looke nice an make it raceable but not a racer gonna make another car fund an get a better car i can acctually strip bear on the interior so its light as hell to make my racer this is just gonna be a pimped daily driver
Peace Guys
Leave Em
Cox |
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| Dentists Are Fun They Give You Laughing Gas =D |
[Jun. 29th, 2004|01:53 pm] |
Wakein up is always hard left here last night at like 2:45 got back around 7:00 went too sleep i dunno i guess it was alright although driving without a tag was pretty stupid yet fun cause i was bored off my ass, steph gets home today YAY!, an finnally warped is here so many bands so many things i wanna do but whether it all happens or not is another story i spose im gonna go now kinda bored but w/e it all works out
Peace Guys
Cox |
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| realization of alot an good times |
[Jun. 27th, 2004|12:34 am] |
Hey guys whats up, i saw alex today he was at camp tag or somethin being a cabin leader i think an im glad that i hes back its always good to see my bro well bassicly bro basically could make me closer to him than blood itself we went to the bowling alley as usual always good times there an i bowled like shit but w/e im still learning then we went to his girls house alysha an he saw her an i was sittin in the car listenin to the radio for a while cause in a manual you can leave it on forever an the battery will never go dead seeing as to how it doesnt run off the battery but off the altrenator but thats beside the point as i was sitting there i an i looked over an saw them an it made me realize just how much i love steph an i couldnt stop messin with the necklace that she always wheres that she gave me for now an hopefully for a long time cause i also realized that if i lose her its gonna hurt worse than loseing carrie did for those of you who know who she was an what she meant to me. steph has become the center of my life seriously an i love it but her being at cheer camp for 4 days an me not getting to see her an only talk to her limitedly is killin me im not even gonna go into everything i feel about her but ill put it this way im one of the happiest people in the world when i even just get to here her voice i dunno yall prolly dont care about all this but i wrote it anyway
Peace guys
Cox |
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| Happy! an Sad? |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|10:19 pm] |
Steph just left an im about the happiest person ever an feel so lucky that i met her, had to watch pretty in pink she made me but w/e it was acctually good but then again i dont wanna watch it again, she goes to cheer camp tommorow an i wont get to see her for 4 days thats gonna suck monkey nuts an im kinda sad aboot it but w/e life goes on i spose Alex gets home tommorow thank god ill have somethin to do this week regardless if it is pointless or not its better than sitting my ass here at home besides the fact that its always good times when im around him hell hes like my one of my older brothers the other one being carlos whos got me worried but why im not sayin on here cause i doubt hed like everyone to know but just everybody who does pray keep em in your prayers an if you do anything else that might help him out mention him or w/e im out
Peace
Catch Ya On Da Flip
Cox |
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| Waitin |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|05:16 pm] |
todays been ight talked on the phone with steph for a while then my mom needed the phone waitin on her to get off the phone so i can call her back, stephs supposed to come over later that should be fun it always is, today is my one month anniversary with her went by soooo fast its great, so im sittin here waitin to call her back an then see her the story of my life... waiting for things, but on another note i cant wait to get my liscense then i wont have to wait on stuff if i feel like doing it i can just go still owe the rents 1100 dollars on the car which kinda blows but w/e it all works out in the end i suppose, still trying to get a job havent even gotten a call back in a while everywhere that has so far has wanted me to cut my hair an its like fuck that my hairs here to stay im out for now
Peace
Catch Ya On The Flip
Cox
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| Happy |
[Jun. 25th, 2004|12:20 am] |
Steph came over tonight like i thought today technically but tommorow in general is our one month its good times im soo happy she makes me feel like noone else ever has (for those of you who know me well even carrie didnt even make me feel like this), we did what we always do whatched a movie talked a bit then she had to go home same thing that happens when i go to her house but its always good times an thats whats so kickass is i never have a moment when im not smileing when im around her
im ramblein now
so
Peace
Catch Ya On The Flip
Cox
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2004|08:06 pm] |
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| Good Times |
[Jun. 24th, 2004|05:16 pm] |
I Just Made This Journal today ive been meaning to not be lazy an make one for a while but w/e i guess ill just sum up the highlights of this week i got my car its a 95 Acura Integra SE 4 door (for shits the engine is 1.8 I4 DOHC)i spose ill be able to keep up with alex when i get the money to start working on it he an his Z3 are screwed fuckin indian (not being raceist he just got paid $52,000 for being Native American) but on another note this weeks been good ive gottin to see steph everyday but yesterday which is kick ass this weekends gonna be pretty boreing with alex outta town i have no ride anywhere an am almost outta ciggerettes NOT GOOD, just to give peeps who dont know who stephanie is shes my gf an im pretty sure ive got someone who i can finnally settle down an be with for a long time now, it took me long enough but w/e tis all good, for those of you who know Amanda Williams shes got me dead confused an if anyone knows her bf Nick he needs to call her she wants to talk to him about something but hes gonna have to find that out on his own, o well, i went to see I Robot last night decent movie id prolly say go see it but it all depends on what kinda movie you like, thats all i can think of right now imma try not to be to lazy an update this pretty frequently w/e for now
Peace
Catch Ya On The Flip
Cox |
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